In the Cocoon: the Path to Metamorphosis

“Nature never set forth the earth in so rich tapestry as divers poets have done…
Nature is brazen, the poets only deliver a golden.”
~Sir Philip Sidney, The Defense of Poesy

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Something undeniably weird just happened… I realized, I cannot seem to write poetry these past few days… But that’s not really the problem I’m pertaining to because ironic as it may sound, I actually like it. For years, I have been using poetry as an emotional shield, where I can just easily write and hide my feelings without having to feel so vulnerably open. My poems are not easily understood by many. Heck, I don’t even know if anyone understood them at all. Reading my past writings, however, has made me realize how much I have grown as a person these past few years, from  that time when I completed my first  ever poem back as a highschool freshmen in Manila. I remember using the simpliest  sentence arrangements and vocabularies such as rhyming the words, “see” with “bee” or “butterfly”  with “sky”. In a way, the words don’t seem that childish, it’s just that, they’re words I would not usually use side by side each other nowadays. I guess, my view of the world is not just all about bees and honey nor is it about imaginarily seeing butterflies around my imaginary Eden anymore. My vocabulary has been quite limited then as to what it is right now. I’m not saying it has not grown, all I’m trying to say is that it has never been that vast nor will it ever be in the future.

Butterfly Princess Barbie (1995), I remember having this Barbie as a kid more than a decade ago

I mean, when I read the poetry of Sir Philip Sidney or even just prose by Saint Thomas More, I find myself in frequent visitation to the Oxford English Dictionary website. As a writer and lover of English literature, this online dictionary has been the greatest creation to date because it does not only give you a pronunciation guide, etymology and meaning of the word, but also gives you a variety of quotations which can help in understanding how the word has been previously used during a specific time period. Before university, I have been ignorant of such a wonderful technological innovation- although, I have to probably give it up, once I graduate because then my free access will be revoked. *TEARS*

Anyway, getting back to my discussion regarding poetry, I’m not entirely sad or frustrated about not being able to write one. After all, it has not left me permanently, it is just taking a brief break and the moment it does decide to come back, I’ll for sure be there to receive it with both arms wide open and most importantly, a mighty pen in hand. Philip Sidney in his poetry collection, Astrophil and Stella, has once written a sonnet concerning frustrations and hardships of writing. He wants to write about his feelings for his beloved but finds himself staring at a blank piece of paper instead.  As the personified Astrophil, he “fains” or desires that “in [his] verse”, his love for Stella will show. And by the end of this fourteen-lined stanza, he concludes that the only way to resolve writer’s block is to just “look [with]in thyself and write”. And right now, myself is telling me that it no longer needs poetry as a haven for disguised feelings, rather, it needs a transition to something more truthful and less enclosed.

Stargazer Lily
Thought of adding a pic of one of my favourite flowers since Stella means “stars” while “Astrophil” means “gazer of stars” 

Thus, through writing, this girl have previously turned from being a girl into lady and recently it seems, this lady is now finally on her way towards becoming a much more defined woman. Like a caterpillar, I have entered my cocoon before and the time to finally exit it is closely at hand. It is not going to be an easy metamorphosis but as long as your’re surrounded by people whom you love and care for, then surely, the path taken will be well worth it. Just remember, a caterpillar no matter how ugly in the beginning has always the possibility of turning out into one of nature’s beauties as long as given the chance and capacity to do so.

 That is all.

Adieu.