Unlocking the "BRO CODE"

“Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct. Some call it morality. Others call it religion. I call it “the Bro Code.”
~The Bro Code, Barney Stinson

 ***

I just finished reading Barney Stinson’s The Bro Code about ten minutes ago. I have been meaning to read it last summer but for some reason, the guys won’t just let me borrow it. Back then, I kept thinking… What’s the big deal? I mean, it’s just another book on understanding the opposite sex, right? Wrong. The book was entitled The Bro Code for a reason, meaning it was intended for a Bro audience and not for Chics like me. (Yes, I called myself a Chic, got a problem with that?)

This bond between BROs has always been an interest to me and The Bro Code contains snippets of unwritten rules which each BRO need to honour as a tribute to their BRO-therhood. Before I ventured into the book, I had only one question in mind: Can a CHIC be a BRO? Well after reading for less than half an hour, I finally got my answer. Article 22 of The Bro Code states that:

There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

 After reading that particular line, a silver lining, a rush of confettis and Handel’s Hallelujah music surrounded the room I was in awhile ago. Of course, this is not to say that I am solely depending my BRO beliefs on some book written by a guy paying tribute to the BRO-therhood. This is just a comical slash past-time endeavour that I engaged myself in in order to escape the stressful elements of modern life.

Now I had a friend earlier today who asked why am I so interested in becoming a BRO? Well, I don’t necessarily want to be a BRO in physical appearance per se. I do, however, want my BRO-Rades (Comrades) to have a CHIC whom they can easily divulge their concerns and embafflements regarding the female gender. Because let’s face it, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and this enstrangement between the sexes is here to stay. Article 22 further states that in fact women make excellent Bros. Why? Because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code. (Yes, we females do have our own CHIC CODE but what is indicated in this Bro code book is a bit off from what I know. So better have a real CHIC to decode these unwritten rules between CHICs than have a BRO do it and FAIL.)

So anyway, I handpicked a few never-before-written-rules from The Bro Code which amused me to the umpteenth power.

•  
  Article 34: Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil’s threeway.
  (Don’t mind me, I just find this one hilarious.)
• 
  Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.
  (ENOUGH SAID.)
  
  
• 
  Article 60: A Bro shall honour thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and Chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
  (I totally agree on this one, imagining thy father and mother when they were still a Bro and a Chic is just wrrrrrrong in so many levels.)
  
  
• 
  Article 77: Bros don’t cuddle.
  (For some reason, this reminded of that scene in Without a Paddle where the three guys had to cuddle with each other for warmth after being forsaken by Mother Nature during their campring trip.)
  
  
• 
  Article 78: A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman
  (Now, this is a LAW which god forbids must be broken because all hell will break loose when this happens. And mind you, I’ve seen this situation happened recently and it can get really ugly.)
• 
  Article 94: If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees.
  (I just find Barney Stinson’s numerical input to be wittily funny. *Chuckles*)
  
  
• 
  Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost.
  (I’m guilty of this one. I hate asking for directions and refuse to do it unless the situation is really hopeless and close to being incinerated by a fellow CHIC. *Karate BOW*)
• 
  Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.
  (Again, guilty. For some reason, I like addressing my BROs by their last name. And I’ve noticed, it actually made them feel more at ease when talking to me, like I’m just a regular BRO… regular meaning… with the whole package and everything)
  
  
• 
  Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other BRO.
  (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
  
  
• 
  Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.
  (I can be a wingwoman but I suck at it, unless I find the lady to be worthy of my BRO, then I won’t mind. Like the old saying say, hell hath no fury than a woman scorn. And if the wingwoman is scorned under PMS then sayanora to you, sister.)
• 
  Article 138: A real Bro doesn’t laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.
  Exception: Unless he doesn’t know the guy.
  (I have yet to see this happen, I’m waiting for some divine intervention to show me the true meaning of BRO-therhood.)
• 
  Article 143: When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro’s hand.
  (This part was actually amusing. The book actually gives you an illustration of how it should be done… Yes, complete with diagram and everything, and not just some stick-people printed on paper.)

So there you have it, The Bro Code somewhat unlocked. Truth be told, the book was an interesting read but as a woman, I found some parts of it to be quite… well… boring. I couldn’t just relate to some of them and I found myself doing a fast scan. With this new knowledge from The Bro Code, however, I vow to spread it to my fellow BROs and pray that they may shed light to those which thy mind has been insufficient to comprehend. But yes, this Bro Code book is a must-read for any male specie out there. And as for females, if any of you decide to read it, please read with caution as there are things in there which can be demeaning if taken too seriously. Having a sense of humour and keeping in mind that the book is supposedly unwritten for reason, are the key towards understanding The Bro Code and what it truly means to be a BRO.  

That is all.

Adieu.

ps. ALABSHOO my SAGULAPI BROs <3